Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Have you lost your mind?!

In 2009 with the impending arrival of our second child I begin to research like a mad woman during the hours when I couldn't sleep. I honestly have no idea what in particular I was even looking for but now I'm glad that I was looking. Seeds were being planted. I had joined a mommy board and I came across a thread where a few of the mom's were discussing homeschooling. I was amazed by all the information I was taking in and decided to mention it to my husband. After much more research and many more discussions we had made a decision. We'd be homeschoolers too! Although our daughter was only 2 at the time, we were confident that we were on the right track. 

And then when our oldest turned 4, we enrolled her in preschool. Because as you know, kids need their socialization! Hahahaha! Y'all...I wish I were kidding but I'm not. Unfortunately for me, I kept researching and researching and that brought on so much fear that I was sure I'd break my kids if we attempted homeschooling them. She had a great year and she loved her teachers so I started to think we'd made the right decision to send her to school after all. She'd cry when school was out because she loved it so much! She was very sad when the school year ended and couldn't wait to go back. 

Sadly, that enthusiasm only lasted until a few months into Kindergarten. She really started to struggle. When her teacher informed me that she was concerned because she wasn't writing complete sentences and paragraphs during morning journal time I started to worry. I started to think that I wasn't doing enough at home, that I needed to make her work harder when she wasn't at school. I'm ashamed to admit that I thought all my 5 year old needed was more instruction so she could be right on target with her peers. Before the school year was over my husband took a job in Louisiana. At first, once again, I said I'd just homeschool because we wasn't sure how long it'd take us to set up and readjust. However, a few weeks after our move we enrolled her in school there to finish the year. At her Kindergarten graduation she received a math and reading award for high proficiency. I was pretty shocked by that considering how much she'd been struggling at her previous school.

What most of my friends and family don't know is what finally pushed me over the edge to finally make the decision to do something different. My kid didn't seem as happy anymore. She was fake sick a lot because she didn't want to go to school. Her attitude wasn't pleasant. Her confidence was suffering. She began to hate school. It made me sad but I kept thinking that I wasn't smart enough to homeschool. I didn't have the patience! The week before school started back we purchased all of her supplies and uniforms and at night after everyone had gone to bed I would stare at it and ponder. I mentioned it to my husband that I just didn't feel right sending her back. He didn't say anything, just listened. I knew his stance on homeschooling, it was ME who kept going back on it. 

Two days before school was to start I returned 90% of all the school supplies, bought a laser printer and sent my letter of intent to the board of education in Louisiana. 

That was August of 2013 and we haven't looked back since. Okay, I'm lying. Sometimes I do look back and think I'm a crazy person. Sometimes I question if I'm screwing my kids up. Sometimes I worry if they're behind. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to just enroll them in school. And then I snap back into reality and see how great this experience is for my kids and move on.

Are you considering homeschooling but are afraid? Do you think you lack patience? Do you think you're not smart enough? Do you think you can't afford it? Do you think your kids need socialization? Do you think that only religious people homeschool? I've been there. I understand. I'm still learning too but I can't wait to share more about our homeschooling journey with you!

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